i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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