you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
