M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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