I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
