All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
