I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
