omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
