Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
