I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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