Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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