I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't deserve a penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
