You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
