I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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