How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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