I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
