I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
