Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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