wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
