My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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