I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
