all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
