If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
