This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
