Im at strip club and am horny
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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