I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
