so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
