Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
wakey wakey hands off snakey
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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