Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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