i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
