I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
