is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
