I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
