I think my vagina is haunted
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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