The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
