You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
