I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
