Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
