update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
