i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
