I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
