My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
