I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well you can't waste a boner
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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