Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
