Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
