at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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