She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
