i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
