If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
