I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
farters have to be the big spoon...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
