Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
